I have begun without knowing how to begin. Do I shower you with my sincerest apologies or do I go on to explain why I have blatantly neglected you? Do I promise to make it better or do I simply ask you for some time?
You’ve been patient, my love; waiting every day that I’ll open this screen and start writing. You’ve been longing to hear from me, I see that. You’ve been desperate, too. Hoping that I’d at least appreciate the traditional way – A paper and a Pen. I acknowledge it all.
Don’t hate me, please. Life has been a whirlwind recently. But then, when has it not? I have new crises when I least expect them, not-so-pleasant surprises at every turn on this tortuous pathway. I have been wanting to talk to you; to express myself and to pour my heart out to you, like we always did. But, in all honesty, somewhere along our journey, I took you for granted. I regret it. In my humongous pile of regrets (which I claim to have moved on from), you exist. Somewhere on the top, in that messy pile, you exist. I wish I were a clairvoyant – You’d then never enter my regret pile and we’d still be like we were.
Have I been cheating on you? Maybe. I haven’t doused myself in alcohol or eaten away my feelings. In reality, I haven’t been paying attention. To what I feel. I’m lost and I need you. I have always found my answers in our weirdly enlightening conversations. Words enter my head at the speed of sound and exit at the speed of light. Before I have a chance to hold them and nurture them, they’re gone. Once upon a time, I was all about words. They were my drugs and I was addicted…
I am sorry. Truly am. No sorry has ever held so much regret and love in it than this one. I desire to bleed words again, to converse in emotions again and, to be with you again. I’ll begin at the very beginning, from a small child who wrote her first letter and climb my way back into what we were, if you’ll just take me back. That’s all I desire – For you and I to be together once again.
With love, regret and apologies,