The “What do you want?”

Integral calculus, Newton’s laws or arabesque calculations… None of them petrify me as much as this one question – “What do you want?”.

I’d rather study quantum physics than attempt to answer this question. Yes, that’s how much it scares me. Twenty one revolutions around the Sun later, I still look befuddled when someone has the ‘audacity’ to ask me what do I want. 

The answer is simple – Don’t ever ask me that again! I’m not a naturally indecisive person. Not usually, at least. However, this question presents itself gift wrapped within  a million boxes of question. You know you’ve reached the absolute end when ‘What do you want?’ stands right in front of you – nostrils flared, looking straight into your soul. Somewhat like the ghost rider. 

In essence, I feel that ‘What do you want’ is an epitome of your ghosts. The ghosts of your past, present and, future. The ghost of your regrets, the ghost of temptation, the ghost of the  forbidden. All accrue to form this entity which is always ready to haunt you. 

You can’t blame the Ghost because you nurtured him; you inflated his power and control over you. You encouraged him with every lie, you fed him your detest. And when he grew, you can’t condemn his odious personality because he derives it from you. He lurks in the shadows, not because he’s not potent enough, but because he keeps recruiting. 

Those pawns who’ll sacrifice their life in this battle of You vs The Ghost are innocent, feeble and loved. They’re dreams, fables, memories, hope, desire, zeal and passion. They’re martyred because of their faith. 

In this very moment, as I throw up words on this screen, I’m haunted. My home is haunted. The Ghost is within me eagerly waiting for the opportunity to pounce on my dreams and stand tall over my dreams’ mangled carcass. 

As I peer into the cloudless night, hoping to catch a glimpse of twinkling stars to reinforce my dreams, I feel a nudge on my shoulders. The Ghost has arrived and the battle shall commence… 

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